it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
