i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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