well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she smelled like a LAN party
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
