Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
