I wanna bring you to show and tell
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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