Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
