just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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