Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
