im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
