I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
