I want to stick my p in your. b.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
