; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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