I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
