So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
