feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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