Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
