New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
