Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
