none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
