my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
