Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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