dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
