I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize