Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Randomize
