My cat gives me a boner
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
tell me about the eggs
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