both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
