I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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