Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
