Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
