dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
