low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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