talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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