My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
