There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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