You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
