if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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