So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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