I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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