It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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