so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize