drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
