$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
