I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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