he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
