I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
time to smoke my breakfast
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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