whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
