im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
