you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
