i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
