if only i could text you this smell
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
