i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
