I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
