you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
