I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
