yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
