So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
