Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
