she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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