I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
