you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
