Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize