Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
