u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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