i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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