I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize