Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
