Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
