you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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