Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
