did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
