I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
