Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
