sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
