o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
